Living in a lonely world…
Okay, enough pretentious 80s rock ballad bullshit.
(for perspective, this blog was originally written on March 10th)
But I do hail from a small town, both originally and more recently (although by different definitions…I doubt Mountainhomies would consider Westworthians to have the same sort of small town).
And the world has seemed a bit lonely recently.
Some of that has been by my intentional choice.
Only child and all that.
I walk a lonely road…
Jeez. The rock ballads are thick in here tonight.
Some of that was unintentionally, as I tend to isolate when depressed. And I have been.
Depressed. And isolated.
Both.
And the world has seemed a bit lonely for reasons completely out of my control.
Let’s face it – the closer technology seems to bring us together, the farther apart we are.
Sometimes, though, loneliness and isolation and depression come together in a bit too dangerous of a mix.
Not for everyone.
Maybe more so for folks already prone to mental health issues or being treated for mental health issues.
And I’ve made no secret that I’ve been treated for years for depression and anxiety and OCD and bipolar and so forth. I don’t believe mental health issues should carry any more stigma than physical health issues.
A few Sundays ago, the world became very heavy for me. But thanks to my kids and some good friends, I quickly got help, first at a hospital, and then at a mental health facility, where I spent two weeks.
At times, it was very, very scary.
At others, it was wonderful.
I met some awesome people, who are now and will forever be, part of my tribe.
Some truly weird things happened. This is my quirky life we’re talking about; of course they did.
Some of my meds changed.
I bonded with my roommate.
I went to a ton of group sessions.
I had some physical health issues. Because, why not?
So now…
What next?
Well…
A lot.
By technical definitions, I’m homeless.
Wow. That sentence was hard to type.
So I’ll type it again.
I’m homeless.
I think I can hear my dad spinning in his grave from here.
For reasons I’d rather not get into, our move to Keller didn’t work out as we’d hoped, and a couple weeks before my mind cratered, I began staying with a friend while the kids went to their dad’s during the week, and me on weekends.
That was also hard to type.
I miss my kids terribly. I saw them yesterday for the first time in three weeks.
They’ve been the center of my life for…forever.
For logistical reasons, I was not able to remain with that friend after the hospital, although they are taking care of 3 of my 4 pets, wonderful person that they are. Trying to respect everyone’s privacy here – that’s new for me – something from the hospital!
For now, I’m staying with my roommate from the hospital! She’s a great person for taking me in, a person she barely knows, while working through her own issues. It’s going great so far, and my Baby dog and I have bonded with her and her son, who is about 10 years younger than I am.
I have so, so much work to do.
I have to set up my after care. But not until after my insurance changes, because apparently no one takes my current insurance. But never fear, Obamacare! Moving qualified me to change plans. I just have to wait a couple weeks for it to kick in. The facility I was at wants me to do one-on-one therapy, group therapy and a mix of partial hospitalization/intensive outpatient therapy, which could last 6-8 weeks.
Plus, I’m in Greenville. Yes, local folks…if you can stretch your map far enough east. Greenville. I’m told that’s still in Texas. I’m skeptical. This might be west Louisiana. LOL.
I picked up a slew of prescriptions from the pharmacy.
The number of doctors I still need to call is larger the number of stars in the sky.
I found my vehicles, neither of which is currently running, which is an entirely different issue built within issues. Don’t. Ask. It was just a miracle they were still where they were left. Now to have them towed. Both. But where?
I have to pay a ton of bills.
I have to find a job. Or three. In order to address the prior and next items.
I have to find a new home for my family.
And I really, really, really have to see my kids. Again. Next week. For Spring Break. Because the calendar got away from me.
But I have help. And God. And hopefully you.
If you could spare a prayer for a small-town girl in this lonely world, I’d sure appreciate it.
Because as hard as life has been in the past…well...now the scramble REALLY begins!
Thanks to the great folks I met at Mayhill and the tools I’ve been taught and so on and so forth, I think – I hope – I’m up for the task.
Thanks for reading. And stay tuned - I'm going to use this blog as a part of my therapy to stay on track as I come back to the me I used to be.
Here we gooooooooooooooo!
Sunset Stock photos by Vecteezy
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